bl33ding_h3art

Fri, 03 Jun 2005 06:32:09 GMT

Do what you want but I know who you are
Say what you want but I know what you're thinking
Go where you want but I won't be too far
Go where want and I know where you'll end up

If you fall in love
Fall in love and hold nothing back
I'll fall in love
Fall in love and hold nothing back from you, oh
You oh
You oh
You

Do what you want but I know who you are
Say what you want but I know what you're thinking
If you fall in love
Fall in love and hold nothing back
I'll fall in love
Fall in love and hold nothing back from you, oh
You oh
You oh
YOU.

Mon, 16 May 2005 05:45:05 GMT

yes i'm still around. just hanging out on myspace way too much.

i found this writing and it still applies today:

Though my life is coming to a crucial turning point, I fear that I am not ready. I am anxious to see what comes in the future, but I am scared that I will not be able to conquer all that I am faced with. I know that God will be right there, aiding me throughout it all, and sometimes even carrying me when I have no strength left. My worst fear is not making a significant impact on others’ lives. I want to be able to look down from heaven on the day of my funeral, and see people completely affected by the encounters they had with me. The only way I can do that is through God. I know the person God wants me to be, and I know I am not there yet. I believe that in order to fully become the real “you”, you need to be willing to sacrifice those things that you know are not necessarily helping your character. I am frank enough to state that I am not willing to give up those things yet. I willingly admit that I am not ready. I am just hoping that God takes that as a humble self-declaration. I do not claim to be the perfect Christian. I know that I have many faults and many sins that I participate in. But my heart is true. I am real. I know that God has made my heart with the spirit of His, and someday that heart will wholly shine through. I do not judge those who are not walking with God, I do not deject those who are living the secular life of the world, because I know that everyone struggles with different forms of sin, and as the word says “a sin is a sin”, no matter its magnitude. I just pray that those who do not know God can be stronger than I am when it comes to weaknesses. I know that I am strong at heart, but my flesh is weak.
I just want to spread the love of God. God is love. And the greatest of all things is love. A love that is never failing, never judgmental, never favoring. A love that is always there, regardless of how many mistakes are made. Love keeps no records of wrongs, and is patient with our human-ness. We can be away from God for years, and He’ll still be right behind us, waiting patiently for our cry for help, and eager to sweep us off our feet. That, to me, is unfathomable. That, to me, is true love.

Sat, 09 Apr 2005 05:12:03 GMT

i had the best evening last night!!!! thank the lord for showing me some things are worth waiting for.

and tomorrow is going to be an even better day! I CAN'T WAIT!!! we're going to sweep biola, and then i'm going to have a wonderful evening with a very fun and caring person!

p.s. the acceptance boys are coming to town in a week or so... SOOO excited! i'm so proud of them and excited to see everyone be blown away by their cd! they're gonna be HUGE!

<3

Mon, 28 Mar 2005 09:15:14 GMT

had a fun weekend at home. got to see all the people i love and couple people i dont, but all in all a good weekend. i already miss home. jordan and i had a great conversation friday night- filled with yelling and then ALOT of tears but it ended magnificiantly (sp?) and i love him so much more now. he's such a blessing, even if he is so fricking opinionated. i love all my friends, they are amazing.

i'm convinced i have the best mother in the world. she's my best friend and although she gets on my nerves sometimes... i know she has ALWAYS and WILL ALWAYS love me-- mistakes and all.

easter sunday was good.. church was good, i cried... but i always do.

other than that. back to orange county, back to school, back to softball... two of those things i don't mind at all. (HINT: school's not one of them) whatever. that's life.

1 year and i'm doing just fine.
___________________________________________

You tried so hard to make me stumble...

But I'm so much stronger than that.

plumb

Sat, 05 Mar 2005 08:15:34 GMT

I LOVE the band PLUMB.

One of my friends randomly brought out their cd tonite, and I haven't listened to them since high school... so we put it on my ipod. I used to listen to this cd everyday and my best bud and i would belt it out at the top of our lungs!!! ahhh... those were the days.
p.s. they have amazing lyrics, and you know how i feel about that.

I watched you sit alone
I watched you cry your eyes out
Now tell me what you've done

is it so bad that
I would shut you out
And leave you here alone

Yes, I saw what you did
I was right there with you
I won't let you sink
No, I forgive you

Phobic
Don't be
Grace needs a little more freedom
Phobic
Don't be
Love needs room to breathe

I have watched you grow
And I've stood in your shadow
I've never walked away

I hung the stars and
I hold your heart
So, don't ever be afraid

Yes, I know when you breathe
And I feel when you need
I won't let you sink
No, I forgive you

You can be healed
You can be free
You can know peace
Never be afraid again

Never be afraid
Never be afraid
He's here

----------

in my heart i had hope
built on dreams i'll never know
answers to love left behind.

I have a HUGE game tomorrow. I can't sleep though.
Ehhhhh....

<3

Fri, 24 Dec 2004 09:27:46 GMT

FIVE WORDS:

kelly clarkson- "because of you"

listen to it.

Tue, 21 Dec 2004 18:36:02 GMT

GOING HOME TODAY!!!! YESSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS!!

i missed home so much. can't wait.

<3

Sun, 19 Dec 2004 09:29:11 GMT

i remember when you filled my heart with joy
was i blind to the truth?
just there to fill the space
cuz now you have no interest in anything that i have to say
i've allowed you to make me feel
i feel so dumb
what kind of fool am i?
you so easily set me aside

you made a fool of me
tell me why
you say that you don't care
but we made love tell me why
you made a fool of me
you made a fool of me

i want to kiss you
does she want you with the pain that i do
i smell you in my dreams
but now when we're face to face
you won't look me in the eye
no time, no pleasure, no love
you say don't touch you
i can't touch you no more
i can't touch you anymore
anymore...

you made a fool of me
tell me why, tell me why
you say that you don't care
but we made love
tell me why

Over a year since it started back up again.... starting up again... its starting up again.... we'll be watching your back. It's permanent. NOTHING IS PERMANENT.

NOTHING.

Sun, 19 Dec 2004 09:21:21 GMT

God, I can't do it anymore. I can't hold on to it. Please, take it away. I am done, I am not strong enough and I need you to take it off my heart. Its weighing me down..... It's killing me.

I get to go home and see my family next week, couldn't have been better timing, I need home to refresh my spirits.

<3

Fri, 17 Dec 2004 03:05:15 GMT

I just wanted to let all my friends know...

I found out last week that my brother got re-activated, and he is going to be shipped back to Iraq in January sometime. He's already been there once for 6 months, so its a little frustrating because we thought he was done serving his duty. But my family and I know that its all in God's hands, and my brother is completely happy to serve his country all over again. He even said last time when he came back from Iraq that he'd do it all over again, and well... here's his chance.
Please pray for my family (especially my mom), my brothers girlfriend (who is taking it very hard) and ALL THE FAMILIES who have to deal with having a loved one over seas fighting for their country.

You don't have to support the war, but you can support the people fighting for us.

Thanks guys/gals.

<3 Holly

Tue, 30 Nov 2004 05:55:12 GMT

All that I needed to hear from you
Something of value but something untrue
All that I wished that I'd find within you
Stings when I see all the ways that you...

Took me for granted and told me it's through
Picked from my pockets and smiled
Empty is nothing and nothing is you
Think I'll just sit for a while

See how what I wanted and I needed
It wasn't enough in the end...

-yellowcard-

i went to the starting line/yellowcard show on saturday night. it was overall a great show, mostly because of yellowcard. i wasn't fully impressed with how starting line sounded, but i still love them. it was the last night of the tour and it was great one to end on... i just feel so happy for those guys, you can tell that their dream has totally come true, and they absolutely LOVE doing what they do, and love all their fans. plus, they are great guys, so they deserve it. favorite songs played, "gifts and curses", "one year six months", "only one", "back home".... especially "back home"... completely AMAZING having them belt that song out along with the crowd. AMAZING feeling....

another sunny day in californ-i-a
i'm sure back home they'd love to see it
but they don't know that what you love is ripped away
before you get a chance to feel it

everybody here is living life in fear of falling out of line
tearing lives apart and breaking lots of hearts, just to pass the time
and my eyes get red in the back of your head, this place will make you blind
put it all behind me and i'll be just fine

another sunny day beneath this cloudless sky
sometimes i wish that it would rain here
and wash away the west coast dreaming from my eyes
there's nothing real for them to see here

another starry night in californ-i-a
i'm sure back home they'd love to see it
but they don't know that

what you love is ripped away before you get a chance to feel it...

Mon, 29 Nov 2004 18:55:34 GMT

i loved him lord.
i loved him enough to die for him, and he did this to me.
maybe he's beyond redemption.
how do you forgive someone who doesn't even care enough to want to be forgiven?

read the book redeeming love. probably one of THEE best books ever. god is faithful regardless. look at the story of hosea in the bible.

<3

Sat, 27 Nov 2004 23:08:09 GMT

she's the liar, that comes to live
all we had till now is gone
and i'm the other piece to this
everytime i feel this inside
i wanna be the one who
caught you so take cover
never saw it coming till you put me on again
had you no other
the game, the lie is getting old

she starts to feel it on her own
she makes the city seem like home
all you had from me is gone
and i give and i give
but you hope in return
never thought i'd be the one to burn

everytime i feel this inside
i wanna be the one to
i wanna be the one who
caught you so take cover
never saw it coming till you put me on again
had you no other
the game, the lie is getting old

------------------------------------------

watch it go, watch it go, watch it go
she'll have to cut it away to save her life
and she knows, see she knows
its like a fatal disease, you'll hear her cry

take this, make it something beautiful again
make this, make this happen cuz you're beautiful to them.
turning to them

caught you anyway, i'm gonna say that i've been taken over
no, let's go again, and tell me when and i'll be taking over

and you know that i'll never do it again, again
and i tell you i love you, say it again, again
turning to them

got you anyway, i'm gonna say that i've been taken over
no, lets go again, and tell me when and i'll be taking over

and time stands still inside a picture
and time moves on, to the next one

Sat, 16 Oct 2004 06:50:39 GMT

what is it with guys from my past... who have used and abused my loving nature... returning randomly to make "amends"?!?!?!?!?

seriously.. it weirds me out. got a call from an old friend, jason, who i haven't talked to in over a year. he said he's totally straightened his life out (he was a coke addict, and really messed up, but of course, i was willing to help him out any way i could).... and is making money, living on his own, bought a car, etc. and he wanted to get back in touch because he knows we ended on bad terms and wanted to say sorry and become friends again.... SOUNDS FAMILIAR!?!?!??!?!?!? fuck.

anyways. so we'll see what happens. i mean, it makes me happy to hear he's got his life together... but i've heard that line before... and well... look where that brought me.... to hell.

sooooo.... yea....

whatever.

i'm loving working at starbucks. its fun and i love everyone i work with, they are awesome people. its a busy job and a very multi-tasking type environment... but i love it. plus, free coffee.

yea, i have 50 innings of softball to play tomorrow... then i get to kick it with my boy joshua.... i love that kid... he's probably one of the most REAL friends i have. plus he's determined to set me and his roommate (who's an amazing guitar player in a punk band!) up!!!

again... we'll see.

i am over and out.
tired like woah.

Sat, 25 Sep 2004 00:13:55 GMT

its hard to say how i feel today
for years gone by, and i cry
its hard to say i was wrong
its hard to say i miss you
since you've been gone its not the same
its hard to say i held my tounge
its so hard to say "if only"
since you've been gone i'm not the same
worst than a fear is the lie you told a thousand times before...

*the used "hard to say"*

my 21st birthday is coming up so freaking soon... i can't wait. kbye

Fri, 17 Sep 2004 07:41:13 GMT

It still hurts everyday
The pain hasn’t subsided
All the emotions are constant
The heartache vividly colored

But you’re on with your life
Living amongst the deceit
While I sit here still caring
Wondering if you even think twice of what you’ve done to me.

remembering the first one...

Wed, 15 Sep 2004 07:18:54 GMT

last year was one of our better years in a life full of separation
it's ok to second guess just as long as you remember she's gone..
in the bright of day it might seem like the stars are gone they never leave,
they come back when the sun moves on it's over now you watched me
as i turned around it's not why, but how the light is on i'll come home
now i feel it's been such a long time since her eyes have met with mine
i feel it's been such a long time i'm glad you've made up your mind
it's hurting me from the inside
if i only had something to say maybe
if i prove that i'm right will it still be safe to stay?

our wedding song.... ex- that is

Sun, 12 Sep 2004 10:09:00 GMT

You're there by my side
In every way
I know that you would not forsake me
I give you my life
Would not think twice
Your love is all I need believe me

I may not say it quite as much as I should
When I say I love you darling that means for good
So open up your heart and let me in

And I will love you 'til forever
Until death do us part we'll be together
So take my hand and hold on tight
And we'll get there
This I swear

I'm wondering how I ever got by
Without you in my life to guide me
Where ever I go the one thing that's true
Is everything I do I do for you

I may not say it half as much as I should
When I say I love you darling that means for good
So open up your heart and let me in
And I will love you 'til forever
Until death do us part we'll be together
So take my hand and hold on tight
And we'll get there
This I swear

So whenever you get weary
Just reach out for me
I'll never let you down my love

And I will love you 'til forever
Until death do us part we'll be together
So take my hand and hold on tight
And we'll get there

And I will love you 'til forever
Until death do us part we'll be together
So take my hand and hold on tight
And we'll get there
Ohh we'll get there
This I swear....

wonder and pray... everyday.
and i love you still, this is ever true...
after all you said, did you think it through.

lord, your will is the only perfect will. please protect my heart and fulfill your will....... please lord.

<3

Thu, 02 Sep 2004 05:14:10 GMT

blah.

school has started.... and i am already procrastinating!!

effffffffffffffff....

anywho... besides that, my house has come up with a list of names we do not like. we are never going to hang out with or date anyone with these names:
jason
mike
evan
john

p.s. there are way too many mikes and johns in this world.

soooo yea... i miss the acceptance and gatsby's boys, although i am still keeping in contact and i heard their shows are still excellent!!! good for them, i am excited for the next time around. i love hanging out with all those boys, they are truly awesome people.

well, i guess its time for my b.s.ing skills to come through and shine.

kbye
<3

Fri, 20 Aug 2004 09:50:19 GMT

been home for like... three days.. and i haven't gone to sleep before two yet. the acceptance boys are here.... i love those guys to death. the gatsby boys are rad too... and i have a new merch buddy... hahaha.. richie from the snake the cross the crown (their merch guy) he's soooo fricking rad.

the shows are awesome too... all the bands are playing well. tomorrow night (tonight) is chain reaction... that place always brings a good show.
can i say that acceptance's set has risen to a new amazement. the new songs sound awesome live. the lyrics are indescribable (sp?) i have a new appreciation for the meaning behind them, and the emotion of what jay is singing. its a feeling that only those who really know what/who he's singing about can feel. but it honestly has helped me "vent" or "cope" in a sense.... so a huge thanks to jay for being such an amazing songwriter

what it would be like to look at the person in the face and be singing the song that tells how much they hurt you.

knowing that its far from over, this one belongs to you.

<3

ME ME ME ME ME ME ME

Thu, 12 Aug 2004 10:05:46 GMT

First Name: HOLLY
Age: 20 (21 on October 3rd!!)
Gender: Female
Nickname(s): Hol, Holla, Marty, Holls, Billy, Asshole (ciea calls me that now and then when A.D.D. kicks in and i'm kicking her. ha.)
Hair Color: light brown, with blonde and golden brown lights
Hair Style: shoulder length, choppy ends... mmm... ok
Eye Color: blue/green (depends on what color shirt i'm wearing- they change colors)

What is your favorite

Color: blue, black, green
Game: texas hold 'em, phase 10, kings, trivial pursuit, "i'm bored" (haha.. ciea and ash)
Song: Fall Out Boy "Chicago is so Two Years Ago" and "Patron Saints of Liars and Fakes, Acceptance "Over You" and "The Letter"- pretty much all the new stuff by the boys, Matchbook Romance "The Greatest Fall of All Time", Maxeen "Solei"
Music Video: Usher- "YEAH"..do the a-town stomp.. do the muscle.. rock-a-way...
Animal: cats, dogs, horses
Sport: softball (i play... duh!), baseball, soccer, basketball, football
Country: well... i really like the USA... hahaha... but i've never really been anywhere else
Country I've never been to that I'd like to travel to: europe, australia, south america
Movie: Playing By Heart, Napoleon Dynamite, Love Actually, Liar Liar, Tommy Boy, Say Anything... tons more those are the top ones
Food: italian, carne asada, teriyaki chicken

Friends

Best: my mom, kate (best bud since 4th grade), ciea and ash, ashmack
Funniest: the acceptance boys- listening to them "discuss" things is HILARIOUS. and darrick, eric, lizzie, and the 14 year old girls i coach, ciea and ash
Coolest: coral, ashmack, darrick, eric, lizzie... but all my friends are fricking cool... DUH...
Sweetest: ashmack, cory- my new friend, clayton bigsby, jennifer :-) (myspace people are sweet)
Kindest: tiffany r, jennifer....
Annoyingest: ooooh... mmmm.... i dunno
Dullest: i dunno
Stupidest: mike... because he fucked up big time. (pardon my language)
Most Intelligent: kate, darrick, ashmack
Athletic: me... hahaha....

Relationships

Boy(Girl)friend: nope... but my preference is boyfriend
Are you in love right now: Nope
Do you have a crush: umm.... lots kinda....
Do you have a stalker: who knows
Do you miss someone right now: yes, but i also hate them, so its a lose lose situation. and i miss my friends in california.

What do you do

At school: doodle, write random poems/stories, sometimes listen
At home: sleep, eat, watch movies, jump on my roommate's bed
Outside: go to the beach, boogie boarding, tanning, walk main street (CALI), in seattle, just walk around downtown, wakeboard or go to the lake, tan if its nice out
When you first wake up: HIT SNOOZE... definately.

What _____do you hate

Food: onions, broccoli... pretty much any vegetable, especially cooked. and coconut
Color: i dont hate any colors.
Hair color: i will never ever again put any red in my hair because it NEVER comes out
Tv show: cartoons, the o.c. (watched it ONCE... puke).... others.
Clothing style: the baggy, chains everywhere, ALL black look... i mean i love black, but geeze... mix a little color in there, even if its just some white.
Movie: 21 grams (will it EVER end?!?!), catwoman (uhhhh... horrible special effects/graphics!), spiderman 2 (the acting only... effects were good)

Emotions Right now

Are You Happy Right Now: mmm.. somewhat
Sad: there's always a part of me that is sad... always in the back of my head
Grumpy: nope, not yet...
Annoyed: not really.
Angry: i will always be mad that people make stupid choices and/or don't make something of their lives, and then complain that its everyone else's fault BUT their own. that pisses me off.
Sick: sore throat, a little
Lonely: yes and no
Bored: YUPPPPPPPPPPPPPP

Have you ever

Made your own religion: nope
Written backwards: yea, its hard if you try to go fast.
Written your own magazine: nope
Drawn art: all the time, i doodle in class all the time... i draw ligers... :-)
Got angry with a game: oh yea, i used to have the worst temper... i dont anymore
Played Lacrosse: yesssss, its sooo much fun and a rough game, getting hit with the stick
Broken a bone: fingers, fractured elbow
Dyed your hair: HA. that was funny. i couldn't even count how many times
Put in contacts for no reason: yea, they were color ones, but i dont need them, since my eyes are already colored.
Swam alone: yea, in the ocean... it was awesome and such a rush.

Things that come to mind when you read...

Intelligence: A-I
Stupidity: your mom
Depression: hope
Blood: Brothers
Blue: the ocean
Gray: alize, my cat in california
Sword: "numchucks"- napoleon
Golf: boring
Soccer: "becks"
Yellow: flower
Socks: tube socks
Ribbon: pretty pony tail

Random Questions

Play Sports, if so, what ones: softball, soccer here and there, i play pool and i bowl too..
Have a lot of friends: yea, i like surrounding myself with awesome people
Write good: yes, i have won contests for my poetry/writings
Eat a lot: hahaha... yes
Like the day Friday: YES... party... w00t.
Like the month December: yes and no. yes cuz christmas, no cuz bad memories

Do you(or are you)

(DY)Give good advice: yes, its too bad i can't take my own advice
(DY)Talk crap: HA. again, that was funny. i am horrible when i get with my roommates (in cali)
(DY)Play a lot of games: yes, card games, wifflebaseball in the street, throw stuff off the bridge....
(DY)Wear hats: yes, sadly the trucker hat has become WAY too trendy, i but i love hats.
(DY)Like to be outside: yessss.... especially at the beach or lake.
(AY) Always mad: haha... nope
(AY) Always happy: most of the time..
(AY) A good friend: i think i have my spurts of being a flakely friend, which i hate.

This or that (Last questions)

Night or day: both
Snow or Rain: snow for boarding, rain is nice every now and then
Stars or the Moon: stars... definately
Ocean or Pool: oooh.... pool, with the sound of ocean waves in the background
Boat or Plane: boat
Books or Magazines: magazines
Yu-Gi-Oh Cards or Pokemon Cards: UHHHHH... you guys are retarded! neither.
Blonde or Black Hair: i've had both... i like blonde better. blondes have more fun :-)
Green or Blue Eyes: both, i have both.... ha.
Pants or Shorts: pants or skirts.
Pop or Rock: Pop Rock... hahah... i just like being difficult. Rock, but I LOVE J.Timberlake.
Punk or Emo: emo, sreamo, emo rock, and of course, punk rock. haha.
Tatoos or Piercings: both... just not too many of either.
Necklace or Ring: hmmmm..... rings are nice if they are real diamonds.
Clouds or No Clouds: no clouds.
Art or Literature: both, but i like art ALOT
Jeans or Baggy PantS: jeans, and not really baggy.
Singing or Dancing: both... i love both.
March or May: may... schools out for me in may!!! yesssssssss
Halloween or Christmas: christmas...presents.. DUH
Coke or Pepsi: regular pepsi.... vanilla coke
Hug or Kiss: both can be effective.... kiss probably.

Thu, 12 Aug 2004 04:49:39 GMT

I LEAVE FOR CALIFORNIA IN LIKE 4 DAYS!!!!

soooo crazy... i am excited but at the same time sad to leave my home. i can't wait to see my roommates though!!! and i get to see acceptance play four california shows! yeayyyyy!!!

ok, that's all i wanted to say.

oh yea, and acceptance has new merch.

"i want the shirt with the DRAGONS!! DRAGONS!!"

ha. i love it.

Sun, 08 Aug 2004 06:02:47 GMT

just saw the village.... great cinematography, great plot. i thoroughly enjoyed it. adrien brody did an awesome acting job.

i've been wearing these black champion shoes--- i love them.... and they were orignially my best friends, but today she officially gave them to me since i wear them almost everyday. they're rad.

only like ten or so more day until i leave for california. i am so excited. time away is well needed, and life here will go its own course while i'm gone.

although timing, of course, couldn't be worse: met a cute boy who could hold a hell of a conversation. but he lives here... actually we went to rival high schools, and graduated the same year. but anyway, its pointless flirting and conversating, but he was cute at any rate.

i think i am lactose-intolerant... i don't know how to spell it, but i think i am... suck.

Wed, 04 Aug 2004 21:39:55 GMT

hey, just sitting in the office at rocketsar..... bored...

but i dont want to do inventory of our merch, so i just keep updating the rocketstar myspace page. woohoo.

i can't wait for august 13th.... show is going to be off the hook.

everyone add __rocketstar__ to their friends list. i just made the community, so we need more people to join.

kbye

Mon, 02 Aug 2004 08:49:31 GMT

in the past couple months i've been getting back into hardcore... i am super excited as most of my guy friends all are into hardcore.... so therefore, i've found some new favorite listenings.... some hardcore, some not:

the bled
dillinger escape plan
underoath (even though i liked them before, the new cd... wow)
dead poetic (coral!!! hahaha... i finally listened to them)
killswitch engage
lamb of god
zao (used to like them alot, now back to lovin them)
the killers
the sounds

that's all i can think of right now....

anywhoo... sorry for the recent emo entries...
UHHHHHHHH fricking idiot.

if you believe in love at first sight, you'll never stop looking
(from a new movie coming out with jude law, julia roberts and natalie portman)

I LOVE JUDE LAW... i would marry him on looks alone. ahhh... those eyes.